Ahh the first week of Spring and given Mother Nature’s behavior of late it is a nice welcome!
It has been quite some time since I last posted anything (for no particular reason), but with a new season, flowers blooming, and longer days, I figured now is as good a time as any to make a contribution.
So much has occurred this first quarter of 2014 and with breath that is bated, I wait in anticipation to see what the rest of 2014 will bring. As you know or perhaps you don’t, I took a sabbatical; I celebrated my milestone birthday in a big way back in January – by going to Bali – I went off sabbatical thanks to an amazing opportunity, and experienced a sort of transformation by way of it all. With the change in season and changes in my life I thought it apropos to do a mental purge which is more or less my observations, keys to my life’s goal of self-preservation, and just good ol’ guiding principles to being my most authentic self.
People often ask me how I [seemingly] appear always happy/cheerfully go-lucky while remaining [seemingly] unfazed by things; how I stay the course; set what seems like crazy goals and actually hit them. I personally think its just how I’m ‘built’ but equally a combination of many of my guiding principles and my soul’s purpose to which I will freely share with you. So in no particular order:
2. Understand and accept that everyone will NOT like you, get you, nor think favorably of you! THAT my dear is quite alright especially if you know you’ve not intentionally been unkind to them! Alot of people walking around don’t even like themselves so how can we expect to be liked by everyone we meet – IJS.
3. In life, THIS life, in REAL life, things will happen but it’s up to you to determine how you react and/or respond to said things. No one can MAKE you do anything (unless of course they’re holding a gun to your head – literally) so we can’t blame others for how we respond as we are all given the gift of choice….to walk away, end the conversation, end the friendship/relationship, etc. We must accept our part in every situation in order to grow/learn from it.
4. NEVER loan money you can’t afford to GIVE AWAY….Jesus be unlimited coins!!!! Helping others is what makes life grand (IMO) but you can’t help others at your own expense. As the old saying goes “no good deed goes unpunished” and THIS oddly enough is the reward for helping. However if you decide to loan money you have to think in terms of giving it away because oftentimes you will never receive it back and if you you do it’s rarely as promised (when promised, with the same urgency as when they pleaded their case for your help, or in some cases without them somehow making you feel somekindaway about expecting it returned).
5. You can NOT change people! HOWEVER, you CAN be the reason for the change in another person (friend, lover, partner, etc.). When we meet people we must understand WHO they are (truly), who WE are when with them/in their presence, and how that aligns with who we are, our goals, wants, needs, as well as our deal breakers. Everyone is NOT for everybody and that, my dear is a-OK! Sometimes relationships/partnerships run their course but we must appreciate it for what it was.
6. Focus less on others (in terms of what they’re doing, their success <–except to learn from it, their life <–unless you’re learning from it, inspired by it, etc) and more on yourself. By no means does this mean be selfish but moreso as a means of working on you. Pour everything you have into yourself for YOU not as a means to keep up with others, outdo others, or live for others <–that rarely works.
8. Go balls-to-the-wall for what you want (career, passions, love interests, desires, goals, relationships ,etc. <–in a non-stalker-threatening way of course). We have to continuously DO THE WORK (Iyanla says this and I live by it). Toil away, stay the course and truly put your all into whatever you want because in the end it will be worth it. I always say, I might not win today but trust that I will continue until I do and thus far I have won a dozen times over when many never saw me coming.
9. Stop seeking others to make you happy….happiness begins within and therefore you must begin with happiness internally. Start with YOU!
10. STOP making excuses for what was or wasn’t, what is or isn’t and instead learn from it and strive to be better than whatever it was/is, create the life you want from where you are right this moment. Our past is just that, behind us and we all have one but constantly living there does nothing for living in the NOW. We have to make peace with everything up to the NOW or we will forever remain in the past and therefore NOT move forward.
11. Live life for you, UNAPOLOGETICALLY! No, I don’t mean in a selfish way, although many reading this will assume I’m being selfish by saying this and to them I say, well that’s unfortunate you feel that way (me being unapologetic).
12. Understand the power of relationships for everyone you potentially meet has a story and oftentimes that story is something you can learn from or amazingly will provide YOU with further insight to YOU just by crossing their path <–trust me on this one.
13. When people show you who they are – BELIEVE them the first time (good, bad, and otherwise)! After that, decide how best to deal with them or not. We each have to teach people how to deal with us by virtue of what we accept/allow from them.
14. Actions truly speak louder than words. You can talk a good game and TELL me who you are or aren’t but your behaviors, actions, interactions, etc. will speak volumes about you as an individual. Therefore always strive to live your truth no matter what it is (see #1, #2, and #5 above).
15. Surround yourself with the following and not necessarily “in your immediate circle or as your new bestie” but in your contact list in real life LOL: those similiar to you (in thought, goals, lifestyles, passions, careers, background, etc); those very different from you; someone living out or doing things you dream of, envision, desire; a mentor/someone you can mentor; someone you can be completely vulnerable with, i.e. fully transparent without fear of judgment/criticism; someone of the opposite sex – non-romantic although you may be attracted to them or find them attractive….it provides a different perspective.
16. Accept that people ARE different! One person’s experience is often different from the next but that does not discount the experience just because the other has yet to experience the same. We MUST be open to our differences even if we don’t fully understand it.
18. The right person WILL open your eyes to life through a different lens. Life is meant to be shaken not stirred (to the core and then sipped with the pinky finger out)!
19. Spend more time doing than talking about doing.
20. Do something for the first time; something that frightens you; something you never imagined you could. Your soul will thank you for it!