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Loss of Self: October In Reflection

End of October already?  If your month has been anything like mine then you’re probably asking yourself the same thing.  Where DID the month go?

I have been largely traveling the entire month of October for my day time life (i.e., career or something like that) due to a milestone in my project which signals the end of hard work, trials and tribulations, new lessons, new relationships, and often a year or so of ups and downs known as the Implementation/Deployment of managing change initiatives!  This alone can make time seem feel like it’s on crack.

To support this part of the project I’ve been traipsing off to Providence, Rhode Island every week since September 20th with this last stint being a total of 10 consecutive days.  Having traveled much of my Change Management career, I am no stranger to living out of a suitcase or being away from family but this time was definitely different.  Now although it’s been a year I’ve been managing this project and have spent atleast a week of each month in the lovely little state, I’ve had the luxury of being home for more than just a weekend in between.

Not only has this project been an emotional roller-coaster of sorts with plenty valleys and peaks, but this year in which I’ve been on the project has been filled with just as many ups and downs unlike any I’ve seen or experienced in my life.  I experienced a random mishap featuring our cities finest costing me thousands; a fire in my home the 4th day of 2012; dental work that left me even less favorable of the dentist, not to mention other random oddities within this 12+ month time span.  Due to this roller-coaster ride of life [of late] I am now left feeling a bit of project post-traumatic stress disorder, separation anxiety (like shouldn’t I be in a meeting right now), discombobulation, disconnect, and a sense of total loss of my faculties!

Case in point….Friday after returning Thursday afternoon I totally walked into the house with my keys in the car only to ask myself and the car (whom I call “Eva”) whether her lights should still be on.  I even looked into the car to ensure the “Auto” light option was still on as I choose this option so I don’t have to worry about turning them off/on.  After confirming yup, auto lights is on, I proceeded into the house.  My co-captain in life – my voice of reason – kept telling me to check one more time.  Only after this convo and going into the house did I think to return to the garage just one more time only to find that “OH” I left the keys in the ignition.  NEVER have I done that….EVER!

Simple day-to-day things I find myself stumbling through in just these 3 short days I’ve been home which before were just second nature.  Clearly exhausted, my sleep pattern has even been off.  I thought I was catching a little tellie [t.v.] at about 5ish on Saturday yet it was watching me for about 4 hours that evening almost before I even realized it I might add.  Napping is just not something I do but my body clearly had other plans.  When I woke from my slumber I was dazed and confused but did a quick walk around the house, checked the teens before I politely poured myself fully into bed, under the covers for proper sleep to close out the night.  I slept another 8 hours as if I was totally deprived.

My memory is a bust as is my coordination.  It is sorta kinda comical when I really think about it as my normal Type-A, controlling, orderly, and structured self is clearly feeling like she’s been dropped into a foreign world totally unfamiliar to her.  Unlike her ‘normal’ self, she, I mean, “I” am going to embrace this time of disconnect and ride the wave as I am sure I will return to my normal self before too long!!

In addition to this and on a more serious note, I learned (while in Providence the day before I was to leave) that a dear dear friend of mine suffered a loss of a spouse in a motorcycle accident just that week.  Ironically she and I just spoke about how our travels just missed each other as she was leaving Hartford, CT as I was getting my luggage at baggage claim in Providence.

So you see, all in all, I’d rather lose myself momentarily than lose another for a lifetime.  As out of sorts as things may be, just knowing that life is but a cycle which we must continue to forge through and stay the course as this TOO shall end!


About Godiva ATL

Just a regular gal, with a regular life and love of travel, meeting new people - never met a stranger and making a difference somewhere, somehow. Just looking to explore the world one destination at a time and take a few folks with me on my journey!


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